Desert Tale

Number 16, Volume 2


Christmas Cacti


Alinka“Ouch!”  Remind me again why I have to decorate this saguaro with Christmas lights?”

“Because Congressman David Schweikert, 6th District, asked us to.”

“Do you always do what the Congressman asks? Hand me that extension cord.”

“Well – he does what I ask him to do.  So call it a holiday quid pro quo.”

“What about that cactus over there?”

“No.  That is a barrel cactus – too small - they will not be able to see it from the street.”

“How about lights on this monstrosity?”

“Don’t go near that!  It is a cholla, and you will feel like you fell into a den of porcupines.”

“I could throw some lights up in this tree.”

“No, that is a mesquite and equally as thorny.  You would have to pad your ladder with a mattress to avoid the thorns.”

“These are nice green trees.  The lights would look good in them.”

“No, those are palo verdes, and the thorns are the size of golf clubs.”

“But we only have one saguaro on our property.”

“Then wrap the lights around the saguaro twice.”

“How is that going to light up Washington?”

“Maybe that is just what we need; a sense of humor in Washington.”

“And how do you propose we do that?”

“I saw some signs:  pants up – don’t loot!”

“We could send the Democrats a Christmas present from Arizona in a red and green box full of thorns from all the different cacti.”

“I think we are already a thorn in their side!”

“Would you remind me to ask David to come up with a different creative Christmas request next year.  Look at my bruises!”

“Well, his background is in accounting, maybe he can get creative in lowering the national debt.  Read this box of lights: ‘made in China.’ How do you say MERRY CHRISTMAS in Mandarin?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care!  I’m old-fashioned, I will always say merry, happy, joyful, glad cheerful, exuberant, Cristmas to all.”

Alinka Zyrmont